United by the desire to be happy

It was a strange Irish Christmas for me as the long recovery from my surgery in November and two rounds of antibiotics curtailed my socialising at what can be a hectic time of year.

It was important to get out and hook up with old friends, though, and to realise, no matter what’s going on in our lives, we all have so much in common in terms of our desire to be happy and free from suffering.

I had some fantastic nights out, despite health and job worries. And I gained fresh insights into how alcohol can play too much of a role in Irish life as I went through the entire holiday period without a drop to drink.

Meeting up with old friends can be emotional at this time of year. Now in our 40s, it doesn’t take long to reconnect and find the spark with people you once drank too much with or shared crazy adventures with back in your teens or early 20s.

Self-pity tends to evaporate, too, when you realise that dear friends can be going through troubles of their own in their lives.

The singles are still looking for partners, some of those who have been married a long time confide that their marriages are a sham or they are only staying together for the sake of the children. People who seem to have it all can confide that they are desperately unhappy.

Walking the Camino ... one of the highlights of 2014 for me

You wonder if it’s better to be lonely, or more precisely alone, than trapped in a loveless union.

I spent New Year’s Eve in bed, worn down by strong antibioticis and worries over why my shoulder is taking so long to heal. Even though I had been invited to parties at the houses of two old, dear friends. I know I should have made the effort, but it’s important not to be too hard on yourself in the ‘down’ times.

But it was good to get out and about, to meet people who have played a big part in my life at varying stages.

Whereas I can tend to look at redundancy as a negative thing, people who have known me for years were full of enthusiasm about the possibilities inherent in an uncertain future and the adventures that hopefully lie ahead.

In my 20s, I thought that life would be a lot less complicated by the time I reached my 40s. I realise now that it doesn’t matter what age you are, you have to face the same fears, emotions, demons, and frustrations at any stage. It’s how you deal with the drama that counts.

It was great to dance to Kila in Monroe’s and to meet friends home from the USA, UK, and Australia who have built new lives far from home. For us 40-something Galway people, emigration  has always been part of our lives.

It was great to sit in a pub and chat with one of my best friends, who lives in America, as we only meet up for one night in the year. We see so little of each other, and yet we connect in an instant thanks to many years of friendship.

It was great to see so many ‘oldies’ dancing in the Blue Note as DJ Foz blasted out the old 1980s indie tunes (The Cult, The Smiths, The Clash) that you never get to hear when you go out any more.

Most importantly, it was great to share the honesty of people who were willing to open up about what’s wrong, and right, in their lives.

After entering the holiday season with a dose of self-pity (newly redundant, with an injury, and unsure about the future) I realised that virtually everyone I know has some sort of ‘issue’ to deal with right now in their lives – be it the loss of a job, frustration with a job, tension, or unhappiness in a marriage.

Thanks to everyone who shared their truth with me over the holidays, and those who dragged me out of my own little negative world. Ultimately, every single one of us just wants to be happy – simply sharing our fears  with total honesty can do wonders at times.

Happy New Year 2015.

Keeping the wolf from the door ...

One of the most amazing things about quitting work has been the amount of chance encounters I have had with old friends in recent weeks.

It seems that, doing the 9 to 5 routine, it’s much harder to bump into friends by chance than when you actually have time on your hands.

There are so many old buddies still living in Galway who I literally have not bumped into in years.

And a few chance meetings have resulted in two hour cups of coffee and wonderful conversations about our lives.

After my four days in hospital, I have been given a chance to take stock. I felt a huge sense of liberation the evening I was discharged from University Hospital Galway (UHG) and my surgery reminded me to take stock of all the good things in my life.

I also never wanted to see a hospital trolley again, after 26 hours of lying in a corridor at UHG.

Every day, for three to four weeks, I have to attend the clinic in Shantalla to have my wound dressed by a Public Health Nurse. Throughout the past week, the nurses have been super efficient and never left me waiting for long.

Appointments were over and done with in just ten minutes, in contrast to the awful inefficiencies and hours and hours of waiting I’d experienced in the hospital.

I’ve had to slow down and it’s made me question my eagerness to rush back into a working life after more than 20 years in the same job.

Suddenly, I realise I can do whatever I want. I can go back to Nicaragua and volunteer among some of the poorest, but most welcoming, people I have met in my life. Or work as a divemaster in a tropical island again, enjoying an amazing lifestyle.

Instead of rushing out to find a new job in the Galway wind and rain.

This morning, walking through Shantalla, I met an old childhood friend who I literally had not seen in ten years.

A carpenter by trade, he was hit hard by the economic downturn, but he did not want to emigrate when the crisis hit home in 2008.

These days, he’s finding huge fulfilment in a community employment scheme. He hasn’t got much to live on, but he is enjoying the camaraderie of working in a small group and learning new skills. He relishes attending the course three days per week.

Yesterday, I met another old friend who recently left his job. A man with a number of third level qualifications, he took a job on a factory floor in a medical devices company simply to pay the bills.

Frustrated, but with a decent pay cheque, he ended up staying with the US multinational for almost ten years.

He knew, and his employers knew, that he was overqualified for the job. But sometimes needs must ... 

And today I read a blog by a much younger man, in his late 20s, who had to give up on what was, for him, a “dream” job with an organisation he respected, simply because he could not afford the rent in Dublin. 

It was one of those Job Bridge schemes, where his dole would have been topped up by €50. Sadly, he realised that he was better off in Galway and staying on the dole – or looking for a job which did not suit his skills, because at least it would cover the bills.

On the Salthill promenade, I met a former neighbour who has experienced both a redundancy and the break-up of his marriage this year. He’s mad keen to work, but he has spent months looking for a job without any luck.

I know another old neighbour who has had to go to the Middle East for work, while leaving his wife and young family at home. He got sick of trying to make ends meet in a business which just wasn’t working any more.

This week’s main story in the Connacht Sentinel brought plenty of good news, showing that the jobless rate in my home town had reached its lowest figure in almost six years.

It’s fantastic that the number of people on the dole is now 13% lower than this time last year.

But these few chance encounters in the space of a couple of days have made me question how much the jobless figures hide the true extent of emigration or the numbers of people getting by on Job Bridge and community employment schemes which barely pay the bills.

How many people are going through the motions just to keep the wolf from the door? How many families have been forced to live apart just so that one of the parents can provide a decent wage?

There is still an awful lot of unfulfilled potential out there. There are still so many people struggling to get by on courses or schemes which don’t match their skills.

No wonder there is so much anger and fear out there that people will soon have to start paying for water, to a private company, in one of the wettest countries on earth!

Ireland might be coming out of recession, but an awful lot of people still have an awful lot to offer in the work place in a way which is not being reflected in either their day-to-day jobs or how much they get paid.