Have we really moved on?

http://facebook.com/ciarantierneymedia

When my best friend Joe died, I was an angry young man. We got drunk, we got stoned, we attended the Funeral . . . and then life just went on. The world kept turning and there was no such thing as counselling or grief recovery in the early 1990s.

It was nobody’s fault. Everyone around me was trying to cope with their grief in their own way and my little sister, Cliona, had passed away less than a year earlier. People shrugged and told me to get on with things.

As a young Irishman, I didn’t know how to talk about feelings . . . not without alcohol on board at any rate.

Sinead O'Connor: one of the best Irish singers of all time

Of course, there was no Internet in those days. I didn’t rant on Facebook after returning home from the pub at 4am or put up photos on Instagram of my friends and I drinking ourselves into oblivion, which was the norm for most of my friends at the time.

We didn’t think there was anything unusual about our hard drinking, we were just wild, out for the craic, living all the Irish clichés. It probably took years for me to realise that there was a lot of pain hidden behind that heavy drinking.

For me, one of the constants at the time was the music of Sinead O’Connor. I came home from a summer in London to become enraptured by this gorgeous, provocative diminutive singer who seemed to speak out for my generation in a way nobody else dared to.

I was 20 and I hated Ireland. I wanted to be back in London, going to punk and metal gigs, following my beloved Liverpool FC around. I wanted the freedom of meeting women from Italy or Spain or England, who were far more liberated than I was.

Back home, I wondered how somebody from my generation could be so daring, so sexy, so sure of her own voice in late 1980s Ireland.

When she sang ‘I Want Your Hands On Me’, Sinead was sexy in a way which seemed almost impossible for a young Irish person at the time. In those days we wore woolly jumpers as though we were ashamed of our own bodies.

In a country in which there was no contraception, no divorce, no abortion, this young woman from Dublin sang with a raw honesty which was simply incredible. Hell, there were still women living in Magdalene Laundries at the time.

Women who had committed the ‘crime’ of getting pregnant in Catholic Ireland were locked up barely a ten minute walk from my newspaper office, the sex abuse cases which rocked the Church had not yet been exposed, and hardly anybody questioned what was going on.

When Sinead (she’s so familiar, we call her by her first name) combined with the brilliant Benjamin Zephaniah to sing a song about the crimes committed by the British Empire, I was immensely proud.

When she reached number one with ‘Nothing Compares To You’, it felt as though there were boundless possibilities for a young Irish person who spoke out or sang the truth. I wasn’t mad into pop songs, but there was such passion in her voice.

I grew up on metal and punk, outlets for my rage in a very repressive Catholic Ireland, and here was an amazing young woman from Dublin who was willing to take on the world.

When she tore up a photo of the Pope, I thought she was a little misguided but I was also immensely proud. Nobody, yes nobody, was that brave in Ireland at the time.

Sinead O’Connor's music has been a constant in my life for more than half my life. I don’t claim to know her, although I did meet her once in Galway during the height of a summer Arts Festival. I was struck by how unassuming and shy she was that night, for someone who was a hero for so many of my generation on the Emerald Isle.

I thought about Sinead again this week, when a friend of mine alerted me to a troubling post on her Facebook page.

It was deeply personal and should never have appeared on a public social media site in the first place.

It shocked me when I did a Google search to find that quite a number of media outlets had shared the post in full, as though this very public meltdown by a ‘celebrity’  – or cry for help – deserved to become a form of entertainment.

No doubt the post, and the subsequent media reports, must have caused anguish to her close friends and family members as Sinead was clearly not in a good place when she wrote it.

I didn’t read it in detail and I most certainly didn’t want to read the comments underneath, but what shocked me was the fact that more than 1,000 people had taken the ‘trouble’ to ‘share’ it with their friends.

This was just two days after she had been reported missing by friends where she was staying, near Chicago. Thankfully, she was found safe and well.

Social media has transformed our lives in many ways, but have we become so dehumanised that we see entertainment value or ‘news’ in someone else’s anguish?

She might be a famous singer, but she is also a human being, facing the kind of troubles, challenges, and life-changing events we all have to face every day.

If she was clearly not in a good place on Tuesday night, where was the value in reading her deeply personal rant, aimed at some of the people closest to her, or sharing it on social media?

Or, worse, making jokes on Twitter about the whole sorry affair?

When Sinead went missing two days earlier, The Daily Telegraph felt that the ‘event’ merited a ‘live blog'.

It was clearly of no concern to the online editors that this in-depth coverage of such a vulnerable woman in distress might be deeply hurtful to Sinead and her family and friends.

Getting clicks on their website was clearly of far more importance than the well-being of a woman who was going through a tough time.

In 2016, a public figure’s meltdown can become a form of entertainment which would have been unthinkable back when my friend Joe died back in 1990.

Life was hard enough for me and my friends back then, without people making jokes on Facebook or posting insensitive remarks.

So … have we really moved on?

Ireland is going through a mental health crisis and the turn-out at this month’s Darkness Into Light walks (an estimated 120,000 across the country) showed that thousands upon thousands of people felt that the State is not doing a good enough job in this area.

Organisations like Pieta House and Console exist because our State health service is not addressing the crisis in mental health.

When I was in A&E with the MRSA ‘superbug’ last year, a young man who clearly had mental health problems was left languishing in a hospital corridor for hours.

He should have been in a state-of-the-art unit, not mixing with elderly people and accident victims lying on trolleys in an overcrowded corridor.

I wonder sometimes if the support available to a 20-year old whose best friend dies in 2016 is any better than it was in Ireland a quarter of a century ago.

I treasure Sinead as one of the most gifted songwriters of my, or any, generation. I firmly believe that people will still listen to the music of Sinead and Shane MacGowan long after most of today’s artists are forgotten.

But her personal demons are none of my business. I’m not going to ‘share’ them on Facebook as some form of titillation for my friends. I’m certainly not going to make hurtful jokes about a troubled soul on Twitter.

Sinead back in 1990 when she reached number one.

I only hope she gets the help she needs.

That’s all that matters right now for Sinead, her family, and her friends.

This week’s reaction on social media made me wonder whether we really have progressed from the witch trials and public hangings of the Middle Ages.

For all our technology, have we become so dehumanised that a public figure’s tragic meltdown is worthy of a click on a keyboard, or a Facebook share, on social media?

Do people even stop to think about the damage they cause when they post vicious or mocking posts about someone who is clearly going through a tough time?

It doesn’t seem that way. People post words on social media which they would never dare to utter to a person’s face.

We might be “connected” to each other 24/7 through our laptops, tablets, and smart phones, but in many ways we’ve become “disconnected” from our fellow human beings … We sit behind keyboards, poking fun at people who only need our help and good wishes as they struggle to make the most of this crazy, complicated life.

And, what’s worse, many of us don’t even think we are doing anything wrong.

From the darkness to the light ...

Check out my new website: http://ciarantierney.com/


Volunteering for Pieta House has been an excellent experience for me through a tough six month period in which I battled to overcome the MRSA 'superbug' after undergoing routine surgery at Univesity Hospital Galway back in early November.

When I left the Connacht Tribune at the end of September, I had not envisaged months of hanging around my home city waiting for my shoulder to heal.

Voluntary redundancy was supposed to open up a whole new set of opportunities, not three operations in as many months and at least 100 visits to the (superb) public health nurses.

The experience has taught me to live more in the present, and not to spend so much time planning an uncertain future. 

Running the event's Facebook page, which passed the 8,000 followers mark last week, has been a welcome distraction as have the regular meetings with the core group of eight volunteers who have put so much effort into the running of the Darkness Into Light (DIL) event next Saturday.

The six month build up has allowed me to use my journalism and social media skills, while planning an event which is expected to bring 4,000 people to Salthill in the early hours of Saturday morning.

The power of social media was brought home to me recently when a friend's wonderful photograph of the Salthill promenade was viewed by over 11,500 people.

As I contemplate on whether to volunteer overseas or seek a new job in Ireland, volunteering for DIL has helped me to get through some dark nights of the soul.

The growth in popularity of DIL, the annual fundraising event in aid of the suicide prevention charity, has been nothing short of phenomenal. People really 'get' the twin themes of hope and rememberance.
 

It has only been five years since the first one took place at the Phoenix Park in Dublin and four since 80 hardy souls braved the elements for a dawn walk in Salthill to bring the event to Galway for the first time.

Last year there were two in Co Galway, Tuam and Salthill, and those of us who spent six months planning the city event were amazed when over 4,000 people turned up at Leisureland just before 4am.

There are 80 walks taking place across the world this year as DIL has gone international for the first time, a huge increase on the 39 which took place in Ireland in 2014. 

There is something hugely symbolic about an event in which people put on bright yellow t-shirts before taking off for a 5km walk which begins in complete darkness but ends with the arrival of the dawn.

It symbolises the hope provided by Pieta House to people in distress and the importance of the walk to the region was underlined when Pieta opened their first West of Ireland facility, providing free counselling, in Tuam early last year.

In Galway, we are blessed to have the Salthill Promenade, which means that our walk is one of the most scenic in the country – we will have rivals in that department from the three Aran Islands, who have all come on board for the first time this year.

So it makes sense to start and end the event at Leisureland, taking in the seafront and South Park, where a team of volunteers added to the magical atmosphere by putting down a trail of night lights last year.

As far back as January, a group of eight of us sat down in a Galway city centre office to begin the planning for the event which takes place at 4.15am next Saturday (May 9).

Half of our committee were on board last year, when the Galway City walk alone raised €80,000 for Pieta House, and it was good for us ‘veterans’ to see some newcomers come on board.

A lot of planning goes into it. We needed to secure venues, get Garda clearance to close off the streets in the middle of the night, and secure thousands of t-shirts and hundreds of posters from Pieta House in Dublin. My own role involves updating the Facebook page, which has become a bit hectic over the past two weeks.

We have opened up a ‘pop up’ shop at the Eyre Square Centre over recent weekends and the commitment to the cause of our committee members, who put in many hours without being paid a cent, has to be seen to be believed.

It was our task to organise the launch of all nine Co Galway walks last month and the goodwill there is towards the event was evident in the huge turnout at the Galway Bay Hotel in Salthill.

Galway hurling captain David Collins, who lost a team-mate to suicide, made an astounding speech which almost brought everyone in the room to tears; while Connacht Rugby manager Pat Lam and Galway United boss Tommy Dunne also gave phenomenal support to DIL.

The Connacht management team will do an early morning run in yellow DIL t-shirts on Saturday, even though they are away from home, while the Galway United players did their warm-up in support of the event a few weeks ago.

Their speeches at the launch underlined the importance of talking about suicide and mental health, how it really helps to show people that they are not suffering alone. Pieta House also run a ‘Mind our Men’ campaign as us men definitely find it harder than women to talk about mental health problems.

At the launch of DIL at the Galway Bay Hotel

Richard Donovan, who organises marathons all over the world, has given us a gantry which will allow us to separate runners from walkers ahead of the pre-dawn start. Believe it or not, some people really enjoy a 5km run at 4.15 in the morning!

This year’s theme is connectivity and everyone taking part is urged to reach out and begin a conversation with the person walking alongside them.

There is bound to be an anti-climax for the eight or nine of us who have put five months’ work into organising the Galway walk, but there is great satisfaction in knowing that our efforts go some way towards helping people who are in distress.

Let’s hope the weather is a bit better than last year! Most people were drenched to the skin when they returned to Leisureland, but nobody seemed to mind as they stayed around for some excellent musical entertainment and a cup of tea afterwards. In fact, the atmosphere was so magical that nobody wanted to go home!

The Galway City Darkness Into Light walk takes place at Leisureland at 4.15am on Saturday morning. Check out the event’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Darkness-Into-Light-Galway/413050655520763. T-shirts can be collected in Leisureland on Friday evening, May 8, from 5 to 8pm.

Shining lights in the darkness

Rarely have I been so proud of the four main sports teams who represent my city and county as I was this week . . . and none of them had to kick or hit a ball.

This is my second year to volunteer to organise the Darkness Into Light 5km walk for Pieta House in Galway and on Wednesday night I was simply blown away by the humility of the men who represent our county and province with pride.

The Galway city DIL committee was tasked with hosting a launch on behalf of all nine walks in the county this year and none of us could have dreamed of the cooperation we received from people who have busy sporting lives.

Galway and Connacht teams might not always have the greatest successes, but the people who lead them should make us all feel truly proud.

Connacht Rugby manager Pat Lam at the DIL launch

Both the managers of Connacht Rugby and Galway United were keen to get involved as soon as they heard our launch was to raise awareness of suicide prevention, while the hurlers and footballers sent along some of their bright young stars. 

Their speeches were, quite simply, phenomenal and gave more than a modicum of hope that our culture is changing when it comes to us men and how we discuss our problems, lows, and fears.

These people might run out at Croke Park or the Aviva Stadium in front of 80,000 or 50,000 fans, but they are subjected to the same kinds of frustrations, fears, down days, and vulnerabilities which make us all human.

Connacht Rugby manager Pat Lam spoke from the heart about the loss of a friend to suicide. 

He described how his wife had walked the Darkness Into Light 5k in Salthill last year and how the Connacht management team would keep the Galway walk in their minds, even if they will be miles away, preparing for a game in Italy.

Lam, a New Zealander, made it so clear why he has become a hugely popular figure during his relatively short time in Galway. 

He talked about the importance of how the players shake hands with each other whenever they meet up. They know how important it is for each and every one of them to connect and look out for each other.

Galway United manager Tommy Dunne joked that he had not worn a suit in four years. 

But he had an even more moving message about a former team-mate who took his own life while playing professional football in Scandinavia.

He described how sad he felt that he had not spotted the warning signs.

There and then, he decided that the Galway United players would warm-up for their next home game in bright yellow Darkness Into Light t-shirts. For the derby against Sligo Rovers, he wanted to highlight the importance of suicide prevention. He brought some people in the room at the Galway Bay Hotel to tears.

He said a manager’s task can involve “reading” players, evaluating who is in good form or confident ahead of a big game. But he referred to how much more there is to life than just being up for a game.

Next up was Galway hurler David Collins, who was only given about ten minutes’ notice when asked to make a contribution on behalf of the GAA.

Instead of complaining abou the short notice, he said he had no problem speaking about a cause which was close to his heart.

Within minutes, he moved most of us present in the room to tears.

He spoke about the pain of losing a team-mate, Niall Donoghue, in 2013. Niall was a gifted young man who played alongside him in front of 80,000 people in an All-Ireland final and replay just over a year before.

David said most of us have no idea of what it’s like to play in such massive games. Within the members of the panel themselves, players often have no idea what’s going on in each others’ lives.

He said that not a day goes by when the members of the Galway senior hurling panel don't think about their former team-mate.

All three speeches were stunning; all three showed that the stigma attached to talking about suicide and depression is being tackled at the highest level by people involved in sport.

It was so uplifting to see Irish men, sporting heroes, talking honestly about mental health and the support available.

They showed that even people with amazing jobs, top level sports people, know the pain involved when someone they love takes their own life. 

Footballers, hurlers and rugby players are no different from the rest of us . . . they know what it’s like to experience pain or loss in their home, family, community, or even the dressing-room.

Galway hurler David Collins, who made an amazing speech

They left all nine Co Galway committees with a bit more of a spring in their step as they continue the countdown to the Darkness Into Light event in the early hours of Saturday, May 9.

When people in such wonderful positions can speak so eloquently about the pain of loss, there really is hope for us all. On Wednesday night, our sporting heroes did the people of Galway and Connacht a huge favour by shining some light into the darkness.

They told us all to look out for each other, which is the theme of this year's walk.

The guest speakers sure shattered the myth of the "macho" sportsmen, too proud or tough to talk about their problems. 

And they left many of us feeling inspired.

http://dil.pieta.ie